Sunday 23 December 2012

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The 11th Day of Christmas - Travel Version

For a brief, shining moment, I thought this was a great gift. I mean, with all these people (and birds) that you've added to the house, it made complete sense to me that you'd need to improve your plumbing systems. At the very least you were going to need to install a few showers to accommodate the ladies dancing and the Lords leaping. Then my wife pointed out to me that they probably weren't those kind of pipers. Apparently they're bagpipe players, making this the worst gift in the history of gift giving. One bagpipe player should be enough of a reason for this guy to get dumped. Eleven of them, and I'm pretty sure the recipient would be immune from prosecution no matter what happened to their "true love". 

Blue Man Group pipes instrument Las Vegas
Now that's a real Piper Piping

While I'm vehemently opposed to bagpipe playing, I'm not against all forms of wind instruments. I find most of them fairly pleasant to listen to, especially the ones that can be used in some good jazz music like saxophones or trombones, although bringing over a gift of 11 tromboners-a-boning would give this song an entirely different slant. My favorite wind instrument however, would be the trumpet. In particular, I love the "parade to the post" call played on the trumpet before horse races, and the absolute best place to hear it would be at Churchill Downs before the start of the Kentucky Derby. The biggest horse race in the world has always been on my list of things I really want to see, so if you're 11 days in to buying me presents, why would you want to stop now? Let me go stand in the infield and wear a crazy hat. Let me drink a Mint Julep, despite the fact that I really hate everything mint flavored. Let me lose money by betting on the horse with the coolest name, even though he hasn't got a prayer of winning. Whatever you do though, let me avoid those eleven pipers piping. Really, that's enough of a gift right there.

Kentucky Derby Churchill Downs finish line


On the eleventh day of Christmas, what you should get for me...

Eleven Horses Racing
Ten Coasters Coasting,
Nine nights in New York,
Eight Cokes for Drinking,
Seven Spots for Surfing,
Six Beaches for Playing,
Five Olympic Rings....
Four Star Wars Angry Birds,
Three Healthy Children,
Two nights at Turtle Bay, and a
Hotel room in a pine tree.

Written by Steve Pratt