MORE KIDS THAN SUITCASES: I'm a Freezer, Not a Flasher

When you're as famous as I am, you have to turn down a lot of invitations in life. Tea with the Queen was tempting, but apparently they don't have Diet Coke as a drink option, so I passed. I was almost the guy who did the free fall to Earth from the edge of space, but I like to feel the wind in my hair and we disagreed on whether or not the helmet was really necessary, so they went with somebody else. Then there was the time they asked me to go to North Korea and talk to that dictator guy. I prefer not to get too involved in politics so I declined, but you should see the guy they sent as my replacement!

Photo by Walter Huang

These were all great opportunities, but obviously they were once in a lifetime chances. There's one invite however, that I seem to have to turn down almost monthly, and that's people who want me to be in their flash mob. It's understandable really. I mean, when you think of coordinated dance moves and the ability to break out those moves at a moments notice, obviously my name is at the top of the list. Of course, the only reason my name is there is because I wrote it myself in blue Sharpie. Anything more complicated than "step left" and I'm more likely to be flat on my face than I am "flashing" or "mobbing" or whatever the correct verb for that situation would be. I'd love to do it, but my lack of coordination leads me to turn down all flash mob invitations.

Skymania Las Vegas tired trampoline warehouse

Or it might be my lack of physical fitness...

Last week though, came an invitation that I thought even I could handle. One of the magazines I write for - YLW Magazine (and you should all visit the Kelowna airport at least once a quarter to pick up a copy) - organized a Freeze Mob to take place at the Kelowna airport. The concept seemed perfect for me. Instead of having to "step, twirl, kick!" all I had to do was freeze in one position for three minutes while having the magazine visible. Motionless for three minutes is definitely something I'm capable of. Heck, motionless for three hours is fairly routine for me if it's football season. Substituting a magazine for a TV might be a bit of a stretch, but if this was my opportunity to be a part of the artistic community then I was more than willing to give it a shot.

Through a major stroke of good luck, even the timing worked out perfectly for us. Smack in the middle of the busiest week I've probably ever had to deal with, the time for the freeze mob landed exactly in a half hour gap between picking my daughter up from dance practice and dropping my son off at play rehearsal. Obviously this was destined to be something we participated in, so we hustled off to the airport and at exactly 12:10 pm we struck a pose and locked up for three long minutes.

Now here's something you need to know about freeze mobs: Pick a position that's not going to be painful a minute and a half in. For example, crouching is bad. Don't believe me? Ask my editor...